Member-only story
In Trying to Create a New Life, I Lost Myself
Following my miscarriage, baby-fever hit me hard.
It has been six months since I miscarried in November last year.
Before I lost our first baby, if you’d have told me that I would become obsessed with getting pregnant, that I’d lose my entire being to the desire to have a baby, I wouldn’t have believed you.
Having a family was never my obsession
I was never the kind of woman that dreamt of growing up and having kids. In fact, until I met my husband, kids were always a maybe for me. Something I figured I would probably have but would be at peace with if they never materialized. So, my transformation into a baby-fanatic took a few people — least of all myself — by surprise.
Conceiving the first time had happened all by itself…a mixture of sea air and not enough caution. Conceiving after miscarriage…that was a whole other non-romantic, peeing-on-sticks fueled story. The miracle of life became a science that I believed I could control.
I researched and tracked and read entirely too much, believing that if I could just…
