On Weaning at 5 Months — I’m Not the Mother I Thought I’d Be
The Mama Juggle strikes again. Working and mothering…something had to give.
Our final breastfeed
You’re five months old and today I breastfed you for the last time. In that moment, as you were comfort-sucking through a pain in your belly, neither of us knew that we wouldn’t do this again. That this incredibly intimate exchange between us had drawn to a close. But later, as I stood over your crib and watched your little chest move gently in your sleep, a sense of peace washed over me and the decision I’d be wrestling with for weeks was finally made.
Where almost everything else about being your mother felt natural, breastfeeding did not come easy to us. But your body was so tiny, your little mouth so small, my desire to nurture you in this way was a primal force to be reckoned with. I cried my way through six weeks of constant expressing, finger-tube feeding and comp-feeding to establish you exclusively on breastmilk and when I did, you thrived. Quickly, your body began to try to recover lost ground, feeding around the clock so you could gain the weight on the outside that your placenta had prevented you from gaining on the inside. Watching you grow was incredible and through the sheer exhaustion, I felt a deep sense of pride.
