The Art of Surviving a Miscarriage…by a Woman Who’s Had Five
Being ‘known’ for your body’s uncanny ability to expel human life makes you a bit of an awkward dinner party guest. Miscarriage combines two of society’s most feared subjects — death and endometrial blood — to create the ultimate taboo. But after losing five pregnancies at varying stages, I’ve learnt to shirk the discomfort and own my story. And that means if you ask me what I write about, I may use it as an opportunity to invite you into a dialogue about pregnancy loss.
Seeing as you’re here, I’m going to assume you want to talk about grief. Maybe you’re looking for hope. Maybe you are looking for understanding. Maybe you’re trying to empathise with someone you love. Whatever your reasons, thank you for standing witness to my experiences. I hope it gives you strength.
What to expect when you’re (no longer) expecting
You’re unlikely to learn why this happened…so you’ll blame yourself
Asking ‘why’ in the face of loss is an emotional reflex as automatic as breathing. But in the case of miscarriage, it’s uncommon to discover the reason behind your loss and that can often lead us to blame ourselves. Maybe if you hadn’t had that drink before you found out you were pregnant. Maybe if you had started prenatal vitamins earlier…
Combat it with:
Feed your mind with science. Learn the facts about miscarriage we all should have been taught in sex ed because it’s not your fault. It helped me to remember:
- 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage
- Most miscarriages occur due to a genetic abnormality
- If a woman miscarries, it’s unlikely that she will miscarry again
- Recurrent miscarriage (my situation) happens in approximately 1% of couples
- In Australia alone, 103,000 other couples will be experiencing this kind of loss with you this year